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The Actual Woeful Wednesday


CHANEL #1

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This is not a happy blog entry just warning you now.

This will also not be as lighthearted and entertaining as my other blog entries. 

This one is purely for me to get stuff off my chest.

Today has been a pretty woeful Wednesday for me. And I mean it seriously this time.

First off I can tell me and the guy I've been talking to are drifting apart. We don't talk nearly as much anymore and he just doesn't seem interested in talking to me anymore. He does;t make the effort like before. It sucks cause we were gonna meet finally after talking for like five months this Friday and Saturday. Idk if that's gonna still happen now. Stuff like that really gets to me emotionally so that put me in a bad mental spot.

That's only the beginning.

Yesterday I got home from work and my mom came up to see me. My grandpa is very overweight and cannot walk far. He's had knee replacements and all was goos but he still could not walk down his street without being exhausted. He used to smoke and drink heavily and eventually he let his physical condition fall and he got extremely overweight. He's had two heart attacks as well. He's been going in for more tests to see why he struggles with exhaustion from walking such short distances. And well it was discovered that he does in fact have lung cancer. It didn't hit me yesterday like it did today. He is lucky. The tumor on the one side of his lungs is Stage 1 and the tumor on the other side is Stage 2. The doctors and my family are glad it was found early. But it's still scary and it really hit me hard today. You hear so many stories of people with cancer and it's a horrible, horrible thing but you really can't comprehend it till someone you love is diagnosed. The doctors are discussing what exactly to do in regards to surgery and we don't know whether or not he'll need any other treatments afterwords.

Now to the final segment of this sad entry. The part that for me is actually the most sad. This literally just happened.

I have a parakeet named Snowflake. He's such a great little bird. So incredibly sweet and loving. Would never hurt a fly. He was the second of the two birds I've had in my life and he was honestly a true joy. He's constant chirping was always a comforting sound to me.

Well I've had him for nine years. He's species of parakeet only live 8-10 years at the most. So he's an old guy. This past year we could tell the age was getting to him. He flew around less and just looked old. The past two months though have been rough. We got him some medication from the vet two weeks ago and he told us to come back if he didn't improve and we'd discuss putting him down.

Well I worked today from 1-9pm. I got off early, grabbed some food and headed home. I got home at like 8:37pm. I went upstairs and changed and I came down and my mom said "Ryan, Snowflake isn't doing good". He was huddled in the corner of the bottom of his cage. I gently took him out and held him. I stoked the feathers on his little head and gently rubbed the ones below his beak. I ran my fingers across his smooth little beak and could feel his heartbeat against my hand. He's also so warm when you hold him, like a little beacon of heat. But he felt cold. I knew it wouldn't be much longer but I put the thought out of mind. I ate dinner and went up to my room. Around 10:06pm my mom called upstairs for me. I came out of my room and she was at the foot of the steps. She just looked up at me for a second and the said "Snowflake passed on". 

I walked down the stairs to her and Snowflake was lying on a soft towel. I took the towel and him in my hands and sat down on the stairs. I began stroking his soft feathers again and then the waterworks started.

You see I've always had a special bond with Snowflake. When I got him nine years ago there was so many birds in the cage with him. They were all on the same perch chirping and playing. Not him. He was way up in the corner. Alone. I knew then that he was the bird I wanted. He reminded me of myself. I wanted him. I chose him because I didn't want him to be lonely anymore. Throughout his long life I've never seen a happier little bird. Always happy to see me or my mom. I'm broken up inside knowing he's gone. It's like he waited for me to get home. Like he knew I was at work and he knew I'd want to say goodbye. I held him alive one last time and then he was content. He could let go. And he did. 

I am happy he went on his own. I do not believe he was in pain and I would be heartbroken if he was. I laid him on a bed of lettuce (his favorite snack) on some paper towel. I then sprinkled some of his food around him. I gently folded up the paper towel and took him and buried him by the base of the big tree in the center of my front yard. I placed some flower petals over the sport where he now rests. 

I just hope he had a good life. We always tried to make his life as good as possible for a pet bird. We took him out all the time. I even would sometimes bring his cage outside so he could hear all the other birds. 

I just hope he had a good life. That's all I ever wanted for him. Now he can fly freely with all the other birds up in heaven. 

I'm really going to miss him. Rest in peace little buddy. I love you. 

Here's a picture of Snowflake. He really was a great little bird. Rest in peace my angel.

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5 Comments


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Oh God, that's so much to take on all at once. Snowflake is such a beautiful bird and I'm not just saying that — I've never seen another one like him. I know he had a great life just from the way you talk about him. Hope everything gets better soon katyanna1

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it's amazing how you did the little ritual before Snowflake left, I think that's really sweet, and he'll know that you did that and that he's grateful for an owner like you hug1 

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I know how you feel, having dealt with cancer in the family for two years+ till my grandpa died earlier this month. So sorry for your loss. sob1

~ L U K E

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I'm so sorry to hear about everything going on. And I'm really sorry to hear about your bird. Pets are honestly one of the best things in life and losing one is incredibly hard. May your sweet Bird Rest In Peace! hug1

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