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#LachlanREVIEWS - MDNA (2012)

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Oop!

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1. GIRL GONE WILD (4/5)
I’m so conflicted with this track. The instrumental is lowkey cheap, but the intro is highkey a slay. It’s also catchy and gay as hell which I definitely needed from 2010’s Madonna. I don’t think I could give this anything less than a 4 as it’s simply a certified bop.

2. GANG BANG (5/5)
This song is really excellent and I hope even the MDNA haters can see that. Production is fantastic, it’s a little wild, intense and insane. That dubstep breakdown at 3:20 was all the rage in the early 2010s and works like a charm here.

3. I’M ADDICTED (5/5)
Production wins again on this track. This song does everything perfectly. I love the lyrics, especially in the verses; ‘when did your name change from language to magic’. It builds up nicely into the explosion of the chorus and produces a similar kind of euphoria that only something like Confessions could have done.

4. TURN UP THE RADIO (1/5)
I hate this song with a passion. It’s cheesy, it’s bland, it’s generic and it’s boring. Next.

5. GIVE ME ALL YOUR LUVIN’ (F/ NICKI MINAJ & M.I.A.) (3.5/5)
I know there are a lot of people out there who have a passionate hate for this song but it’s pretty nostalgic for me. The only foray I had into Madonna before this year was listening to MDNA on the way to school and back five years ago. I bloody loved this song. Chucking Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. onto an EDM cheerleader track really shouldn’t work - and it still really doesn’t - but I love it.

6. SOME GIRLS (4/5)
Oh yes we love this song. It’s quite dated to an extent; but that doesn’t stop things from being good. The vocoder makes a return on this track and I think it really works. I love the robotic backing vocals too during the verses. Lyrically, it slots nicely into the album’s themes as well.

7. SUPERSTAR (2.5/5)
This isn’t as bland and generic as our friend Turn Up the Radio, but that doesn’t make it perfect by any means. The track begins a little promising with the hand-claps and drums, but the lyrics and everything to come is just a little cheesy. The chorus is also really lacklustre and just fizzles out.

8. I DON’T GIVE A (F/ NICKI MINAJ) (3.5/5)
This isn’t quite as slick as those ‘fuck you, I’m rich’ tracks or one-liners she’s had in the past, but god does it bop hard! I’m here for Rapdonna in these moderate doses. This song is very much a product of time; especially the second Nicki feature.

9. I’M A SINNER (4/5)
I feel like this takes what Superstar was trying to do, and does it a whole lot more successfully. The guitars that we missed on a majority of Confessions and Hard Candy make a welcome return. I feel like this song could’ve been released with kickass 80s production on an early album.

10. LOVE SPENT (3/5)
The Eastern-influence of the intro and the strings really pump something interesting into this track. I feel like it falls flat mostly because her vocals sound mixed strangely? It’s not the strongest song lyrically or production-wise, but it’s not terrible either. Let’s give it a midway score.

11. MASTERPIECE (4.5/5)
Saving the ballads for the final part of the album was a good move, and definitely leaves you with a sweeter taste in your mouth that certain other tracks would have. This song serves a semi-Latin vibe through a combination of those beats and the subtle guitars which is definitely welcome. She’s serving truly great lyrics in this song as well.

12. FALLIN’ FREE (5/5)
This song is quite haunting in a way and in a way takes me back to the likes of Frozen. [Cue shocked gasps from people now that I’ve compared something from MDNA to her opus]. It builds up slowly, bringing in those sweet strings and sparse beats, to create a really perfect album closer. The last two minutes are absolutely gorgeous.

13. BEAUTIFUL KILLER (2.5/5)
There’s nothing particularly terrible about this track; it’s just average and a little faceless. Definitely not a song to be praised like I see y’all doing around the forum sometimes.

14. I FUCKED UP (2/5)
I feel like this song had potential to be great, but it just falls flat. I do like the production, and the bridge of the song where the tempo starts to pick up is interesting; but eh.

15. B-DAY SONG (F/ M.I.A.) (1.5/5)
What the hell is the point of this song. And the M.I.A. feature. It’s kind of a bop but in the way a bonus track from the 80s would be. And it has to end with them literally shouting “happy birthday”. God…

16. BEST FRIEND (1/5)
Editing vocals that don’t work unlike songs like Some Girls, a concept that grips you for about 20 seconds before coming boring… A terrible conclusion to a bunch of lacklustre bonus tracks.

 

OVERALL – 65 on Lachlancritic

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ALBUM RANKING SO FAR
Ray of Light - 97
Bedtime Stories / Erotica - 90
Like a Prayer / Confessions on a Dancefloor - 88
Music – 85
True Blue - 79
American Life - 77
Madonna - 75
Like a Virgin – 74
Hard Candy – 70
MDNA - 65

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8 minutes ago, Lachlan said:

6. SOME GIRLS (4/5)
Oh yes we love this song. It’s quite dated to an extent; but that doesn’t stop things from being good. The vocoder makes a return on this track and I think it really works. I love the robotic backing vocals too during the verses. Lyrically, it slots nicely into the album’s themes as well.

omg stan some goddesses cry7

 

8 minutes ago, Lachlan said:

13. BEAUTIFUL KILLER (2.5/5)
There’s nothing particularly terrible about this track; it’s just average and a little faceless. Definitely not a song to be praised like I see y’all doing around the forum sometimes.

Beautiful Killer is at least 3.5 Flopchaln tina1

 

9 minutes ago, Lachlan said:

14. I FUCKED UP (2/5)
I feel like this song had potential to be great, but it just falls flat. I do like the production, and the bridge of the song where the tempo starts to pick up is interesting; but eh.

15. B-DAY SONG (F/ M.I.A.) (1.5/5)
What the hell is the point of this song. And the M.I.A. feature. It’s kind of a bop but in the way a bonus track from the 80s would be. And it has to end with them literally shouting “happy birthday”. God…

 

generous king cry7 i'd give them like 0.0001 rip3

Superstar is a bop and GGW is definitely 5/5 jj4

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2 minutes ago, ROAR said:

You were being generous on this one , I see 

Show me where I was generous cause I can't see. The standard album isn't really bad at all, it's the deluxe that comes through to fuck things over.

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1 minute ago, Bionic Monster said:

I Fucked Up remains unbothered as her best song!xtina11

Funny joke!

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3 minutes ago, John Wayne said:

omg stan some goddesses cry7

 

Beautiful Killer is at least 3.5 Flopchaln tina1

 

generous king cry7 i'd give them like 0.0001 rip3

Superstar is a bop and GGW is definitely 5/5 jj4

GGW is a bop but it's not on the level of Gang Bang, I'm Addicted, Fallin' Free and all the other 5/5s in her career.

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2 minutes ago, KILLS said:

Glad to see we agree about her worst album! Over-produced, desperate mess.

 

Bring back 90sDonna feb1

Her worst album? We still have Rebel Heart to go dear.

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4 minutes ago, Lachlan said:

Show me where I was generous cause I can't see. The standard album isn't really bad at all, it's the deluxe that comes through to fuck things over.

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Hmm , let's see, "Some flops 4/5"  This was generous ! 

Also you could have rated the last tracks with 0 

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1 minute ago, KILLS said:

MDNA is not superior to Rebel Heart jj4 

 

Do not give Some Shits a 4.5/5 and then insinuate RH is her worst. I thought I trusted Lachlancritic!

I gave it a 4/5 dahling learn to read before you critique! Coma Heart judgement will be reserved until tomorrow!

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I Fucked Up remains unbothered as her best song!

Not all of us think LAV is an 80+ album.

well this was accurate apart from Beautiful Allah not getting a 5!


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