Growing up, I always wanted to be a teacher. I played school instead of house, and I loved helping my friends with their homework so I could practice for the future. So many of my classmates hated being quizzed about life after high school, but it never bothered me because I had a plan. I'm very indecisive about many aspects of my life, but this is one area I never had to worry about until now.
Last summer, I finally began my teaching classes after two years of general education and I was optimistic at first but have slowly realized that it isn't for me. The more I learn about it, I'm discovering that it isn't what I thought it would be at all and I want nothing to do with it anymore. It almost feels like a divorce in a way, because I've wanted to do this for so long and I've completely fallen out of love with it and don't see myself ever getting back to that honeymoon phase. I had this unrealistic image of teaching in my head where I would stroll into the classroom like Mary Poppins and have an intellectually-stimulating conversation with my students, and everything I've been learning lately completely goes against that. I've discovered that I hate being in front of a room, and I'm not equipped to deal with all of the issues that students, schools, and teachers face. It's 90% babysitting demon spawn and preparing for testing, which is completely different than I thought it would be and I don't have a passion for that. I also don't want to have a job that I have to keep thinking about after hours. I want to have time for myself and not be constantly stressed out.
What once made me hopeful now makes me physically sick, and it's scary because this was my life plan and now I don't know where to go from here. However, in some ways it's liberating to admit that I'm over it because I'm finally allowed to imagine other possibilities. I'm not mentally, socially, or emotionally prepared for the job requirements of teaching, and it's not even something I'm willing to work on over time because I have zero interest in the profession anymore. Even if I had what it takes, I still wouldn't want to do it. It doesn't matter what school, age group, or subject, I just want to get out of the field entirely ASAP. It's actually astounding how quickly I went from being fully invested to trying to fake it to blatantly not caring in my classes. If I weren't locked into classes that I'm paying a fortune for, I would have ghosted months ago. Right now I'm just sticking it out until the semester is over.
Ideally I would do something with writing because I'm good at it and I enjoy it, but I don't know if I could realistically provide for myself that way. I don't plan on building a family so I'll only need to worry about taking care of myself, but still. I haven't told many people about my change of heart because I know they're going to think I'm crazy if I drop education and go for English only, even though it would make me far happier than what I'm doing right now. I see the way people react every time my sister changes her major (she's on number 4) and it would be huge fodder for gossip especially since everyone who knows me knows that I've always wanted to be a teacher. I feel like people won't accept that I've changed my mind, and will try to convince me to keep doing something I don't care about anymore just because it fits the image of me they have in their heads. Everyone is going to be completely blindsided because I've never shared any of this out loud, and they're going to assume it's a rash impulse and not something I've thought about in depth. They're going to try to convince me I'm still in love with my spouse even though there's no feeling anymore and I'm ready to start seeing other people.
I recently transferred to a private college after graduating from community college and I like it here but the main reason I chose it is because of its reputation among schools. When principals hire teachers, alumni from my current college go to the top of the pile. But if I don't want to teach anymore, it doesn't make sense for me to keep going here with how much it costs. I'll be sad to leave especially since I enjoy the campus culture and I've made a good amount of friends, but my heart says I should go. I can study English only at a public school for a fraction of the cost I'm paying right now for English and education at a private school. I just don't know how to bring it up with my family since preparing for the spring semester isn't very far away at all and I don't know if there's still time, and something tells me they're not going to respect my feelings. I think it's better for me to realize this now than to go through grad school and get locked into student teaching. I have an appointment to make my spring schedule at my current school literally any day now, and I have no idea what I'm going to tell them. "Hey, I'm dipping because I don't care about my major anymore and I can study something cheaper elsewhere" probably won't go over very well.
I don't know why I decided to post this, especially since I barely come here anymore, but I guess I just wanted to hear people's opinions. If anyone has ever decided to change their major or career after thinking it's what they wanted to do all their life, I'd love to hear how it worked out for them or what they're doing now. I need as much insight as I can get. For those of you who have interacted with me, what career fields could you envision me in? Serious answers only, please.