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Review Discography Review: Katy Perry's Albums


Tama

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In 2020, I had created a thread meant to rank Katy's discography prior to Smile's arrival. However, since Smile is officially here, I'm going to make a rank listing all of her albums so far. I'll also add her Katy Hudson album at the end for a simple kii. Enjoy!

*Note: I keep editing this entry, dear God please make it stop.

*Another note: Fuck. It never stopped.

 

1.

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Welcome to her best album! Prism is, finally, Katy's undoubtedly best album to date. Sure, it has "Roar" (which is a #1 hit song btw) and it kinda sucks. I mean, take a look at the opening line:

Quote

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath

Um, alright. That must've hurt. ANOTHER ONE!

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Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely

...so "Peacock" wasn't your choice then? Oh, what a relief! I am so gl-

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I guess that I forgot I had a choice

Alright, shut up already. You pushed Capitol Records to include fucking Peacock to your biggest album ever, you witch!

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I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything...

I just don't believe you. You. Wrote. Peacock.

Seriously, the tunes are terrific here, except for Roar's lazy-ass remake of Sara Bareilles's "Brave", but even that is still musically sound. She also made some efforts to be poetic ("Legendary Lovers", "Walking on Air", "Double Rainbow"), managed to be actually inspirational (Roar...ugh, "Unconditionally", "Love Me", "This Moment"), quotable for Instagram captions ("Dark Horse", "This Is How We Do", "International Smile", "Ghost"'s I see thru u now uwu *crying emoji*), and there's shocking layers of depth in a lot of these songs ("Ghost", "It Takes Two", "Choose Your Battles"). Constructed when she was phresh out of divorce, it was initially reported to have been conceived as a #dark album for Katy. Ha, you thought! Anyway, the ballads are #emotional and not boring, you cigs!

 

 

2.

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One of the Boys a.k.a. her debut album as Katy Perry. Yes, I switched like a faq that I truly am. Anyway. A few of these songs are questionable even back then and there's a reason why she received some backlash ("I Kissed a Girl", "Ur So Gay") almost immediately. However, I believe that many Katy Cats consider it as Katy's best album because it houses some of her catchiest melodies with perfectly polished productions ("One of the Boys", "Waking Up in Vegas", "Hot n Cold"). The lyrics are also some of her most affective ("Thinking of You", "Lost", "I'm Still Breathing"). There's plenty of creative songwriting here; some hearty lines and witty metaphors, admittedly more varied than her later materials (again the title track, "Mannequin", "If You Can Afford Me"). Overall, it's good. I only put it below PRISM because, well, ur not gay. Neither am I. I'm bi.

 

 

3.

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Teenage Dream. I know, shocking. After all, this album had produced her biggest and arguably most memorable hits to date such as "California Gurls" (featuring Snoop Dogg!), "Teenage Dream", "Firework", "E.T." remix (with Kanye West!), "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)", and "The [Number] One [Hit] That Got Away", plus the Complete Confection reissue which successfully produced yet another number one hit titled "Part of Me" and a number two hit called "Wide Awake". The concept is vain; a teenage fantasy of an already adult woman. Sure, I guess. Anyway, it wouldn't be that long for the Californian gurl to achieve a towering success with all the hits, only for her to be dismissed by professional music critics as a disposable pop-tart with a garbage album. Maybe they missed the point ("Who Am I Living For?", "Pearl"), or maybe they didn't get her humor ("Circle the Drain", "Hummingbird Heartbeat"). Eh, I guess. Sickly sweet as it is, the hooks are omnipresent. The lyrics are, well, fine. The singing is breathy and cool for the most part, and the featured artists are suitable for the songs they're featured on each. Sure, why not. Peacock can choke, though!

 

 

4.

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Smile. Clownery. It fits to describe this album as a disappointment *sad clown emoji*, especially for Katy herself. The tunes are uninspiring partly because of how much of it have been made before by her and how there are much better songs in her discography. The album is underwhelming. But, honestly what do we want more from her these days? Katy has always been this way. Safe ("Cry About It Later", "Daisies"), clichéd ("Teary Eyes", "Resilient"), occasionally excellent for a song or two ("Never Really Over", Small Talk "Tucked"), then back to safe ("Not the End of the World", "Only Love") with even more clichés ("What Makes a Woman"). This is fairly tolerable considering just how committed she is to her crafts. I mean, before Dua Lipa became everybody's favorite, Katy already did what a megastar should do multiplied by a hundred. It's also worth to mention that she is still the only artist that rivals Michael Jackson for that one achievement that KatyCats (her fans!) care deeply about. Cool, I guess. Anyway!

 

 

5.

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I had falsely considered it as her best album for some time because of aesthetics, or because it's slightly more adventurous than any iteration of La Perry from before ("Witness", "Power", "Mind Maze"). I still genuinely believe that the title track is one of the best songs that she has ever made! However, the majority of this album suck ass. Badly. The lyrics are as inspirational as a company-powered greeting cards for their grumpy and overworked workers in Labor Day (the run from "Déjà Vu" up to "Bigger Than Me") and every bit as girlbossy ("Hey Hey Hey", "Power") as a series of Katy Perry™ inspirational girl power lyrics could get, but I swear some of the lines were written while she was still high off of that ridiculous rollercoaster in the "Chained to the Rhythm" music video, still hanging upside down as her fabulous cotton candy pink wig got swept away by the wind ("Bon Appétit", the open sesame song). None of them are remarkable! Fuck! #lookwhatyoumademewrite

 

 

6. Her actual debut album. Huh. It's also self-titled, Katy Hudson. Huh. I don't know her. I actually have never listened to this one aside from one song that I could barely recall. I'm not even sure why I include it here. All I know is that it's Christian contemporary music a.k.a. CCM, which is fine I guess. Idk. Maybe I should listen to it, yeah? Hmmm...don't know about that. I also don't know if I should post the album cover here since she's serving elite illuminati new recruit on it. How very un-Christian contemporary conservative of her!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well,

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There it is, Katheryn.

 

So, that is all! This is my definitive ranking of La Perry's albums. I definitely want to see a change in sound and imagery. It's getting tired sis, you've become a trope yourself! Her lyricism also needs to improve because whew she's so quirky yes. No, ma'am. Let's have a talk, let's change for the better. Witness was a step towards a good direction, I can sustain that opinion, but it's still so formulaic despite of its "new" electronica production. At least the Ur Gay Yes album had variety in its metaphor, perspective, simile, etc. Seriously, Kat, take some time off and get inspired. Maybe make that acoustic album that you seem to have been teasing since day 1. Finally, centipedes do NOT slither. THEY FUCKIN' CRAWL!!!

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Tama

Posted (edited)

I have to change this ranking list. Smile sucks.

*Note: It turns out, Smile is ok!

Edited by Ho-oH
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