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Impossible Rank: Madonna Album Edition


Ryan Zamolodchikova

1,225 views

This ranking is for the one and only queen: Madonna, bitch. ~I Don't Give A paraphrase reference~ I decided to do this because why not? I'm still on my little break but this gives me something to do and I love doing these so far even though they flop.

 

WARNING: I'm putting the first one in a spoiler because it is a very unpopular opinion and I don't need y'all bitching. If you open the spoiler, you are agreeing to not be a little bitch.

 

13: 

Spoiler

True Blue

 

True_Blue_Madonna.png

 

This album just doesn't do ANYTHING for me. I rarely listen to it and if I do, it's just the highlights. Pls don't hurt me.

Highlights: Papa Don't Preach, Open Your Heart, Where's The Party, True Blue

Can Go Suck A Dick: Love Makes The World Go Round, Jimmy Jimmy

 

12: Like A Virgin

 

220px-LikeAVirgin1984.png

 

This album has some AMAZING songs but the fillers are FILLERS and so generic and just dated trash. Love Don't Live Here Anymore is underrated.

Highlights: Angel, Like A Virgin, Love Don't Live Here Anymore, Dress You Up, Shoo-Bee-Doo (pls don't hurt me)

Can Go Suck A Dick: Material Girl (pls don't hurt me), Over And Over

 

11: Madonna

 

Madonna,_debut_album_cover.png

 

Pretty dated but pretty catchy and an amazing debut. Not much to say about it really

Highlights: Lucky Star, Burning Up, I Know It, Holigay, Think Of Me

Can Go Suck A Dick: Borderline

 

10: MDNA

 

madonna_mdna_covers.png

 

She could have done better but this album isn't as bad as everyone says. It's just messy tbh. Home of the should have been hit single I'm Addicted. Some songs are borderline G E N E R I C ie Girl Gone Wild, Turn Up The Radio, etc but she pulls some of them off. I wish she didn't try to be so edgy this era but at least we got some holy BOPS.

Highlights: Girl Gone Wild, Gang Bang, I'm Addicted, Nicki's verse on I Don't Give A, Love Spent, Falling Free, Beautiful Killer, Best Friend

Can Go Suck A Dick: Give Me All Your No, the rest of I Don't Give A

 

9: Hard Candy

 

HardCandyAlbumCover.PNG

 

Truly underrated by Madonna stans. It is nowhere near as bad as all of you say it is. Literally only a couple duds. Yeah, she cased trends but she did it PERFECTLY. So many great bops on this album that all of you WASTE. Give It 2 Me should have smashed tbh

Highlights: Give It 2 Me, Miles Away, She's Not Me, Beat Goes On, Devil Wouldn't Recognize You, Voices, Ring My Bell, the album cover shoot

Can Go Suck A Dick: 4 Minutes, Spanish Lesson

 

8: Like A Prayer

6604890_Madonna-Like-a-Prayer.jpg

 

Blah blah blah art blah amazing blah pure artistry blah blah game changer blah blah blah. IDGAF. Yes, mature artistic game changing iconic controversial album, I agree. But some songs just didn't age well or just suck dick. Hate me. I truly respect the artistry of the album but I still find it a tad overrated. Oh Father is one of my fave songs from her.

Highlights: Like A Prayer, Express Yourself, Till Death Do Us Part, Oh Father, Keep It Together, Spanish Eyes

Can Go Suck A Dick: Love Song, Promise To Try, Dear Jessie

 

7: Confessions On A Dance Floor

 

Confessions_On_A_Dancefloor.jpg

 

Used to be my favorite Madonna album but some of it hasn't aged well. I still love it and think it is still almost flawless and a great comeback. This album just delivers so much. Production. Lyrics. Looks. SERVED

Highlights: Hung Up, Get Together, Sorry, Let It Will Be, Forbidden Love, How High, Isaac

Can Go Suck A Dick: I Feel Love ripoff, I Hate Myself, Push (me over a cliff)

 

6: American Life

 

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An edgier Ray Of Light. She tried perfecting the formula of Music but made a few missteps but still B+ for effort. I do find this album is pretty overrated by fans because it's so edgy and SOME NOT ALL just wanna seem edgy. This album does have great moments though and she really delivers. Lyrics are SERVED (Except in a couple songs). Same with looks kinda. Nothing Fails was the hit that got away, so magical and one of my faves from her. Easy Ride is probably in my top 10 songs and is a pure masterpiece. Die Another Day is unnecessarily hated on.

Highlights: Hollywood, Love Profusion, Nobody Knows Me, Nothing Fails, Die Another Day, Easy Ride, the original American Life video

Can Go Suck A Dick: American Life, the released video of American Life

 

5: Ray Of Light

 

Ray_of_Light_Madonna.png

 

I used to HATE this album but I have since since the (ray of) light! Basically an updated Like a Prayer except better! Except a couple songs... Anyways, Nothing Reall Matters and Skin should have SMASHED

Highlights: Swim, Ray Of Light, Skin, Nothing Really Matters, Sky Fits Heaven, Frozen, The Power Of Good-Bye, the vocals

Can Go Suck A Dick: Shitty/Ashtray

 

4: Rebel Heart

 

Madonna_-_Rebel_Heart_(Official_Album_Co

 

I know I'm going to get hate for this album being so high but it truly is almost flaw free. Messy but still almost perfect. A couple songs should have been cut, a couple songs should not have been changed from the demo (looking at you Rebel Heart. Madonna, what's good?? Avicii slayed that version). I relate to a lot of this album and has a special place in my little gay heart. Hate me for it bitches. So underrated and should have done SO much better. Also, Bitch I'm Madonna BOPS.

Highlights: Living For Love, Devil Pray, Ghosttown, Unapologetic Bitch, Illuminati, Bitch I'm Madonna, Joan Of Arc, Iconic, Holy Water, Best Night, Veni Vidi Vici, S.E.X., Messiah, Rebel Heart, Auto-Tune Baby, Beautiful Scars, Addicted

Can Go Suck A Dick: Body Shop, Graffiti Heart

 

3: Erotica

 

Erotica_Madonna.png

 

Erotic, Erotic, put your hands all over my iconic copy of this controversial album. So fucking amazing, well written masterpiece. Should have done a lot better than it did. It's dark, beautiful, heartbreaking lyrics. In my opinion, her most mature.

Highlights: Erotica, Fever, Deeper And Deeper, Bad Girl, Waiting, Words, Why's It So Hard, Secret Garden, Bad Girl video

Can Go Suck A Dick: Did You Do It?

 

2: Music

 

Music_Madonna.png

 

Hate me for this, idc. I really think this is her most forgotten album. This album is really sentimental to me so it holds a special place in my heart. I had the CDS of Music when it first came out but I didn't know who it was but it slayed me and I always wondered who it was. Then in 2011, Gaga got me into Madonna and this was the first album I listened to and I stanned. This is a flawless album that should have done better, had more singles, and deserves more all together.

Highlights: Music, Impressive Instant, Runaway Lover, I Deserve It, Amazing, Nobody's Perfect, Don't Tell Me, Paradise (Not For Me), Gone, American Pie

Can Go Suck A Dick: The people who discredit this album

 

1: Bedtime Stories

 

bedtimestories.jpg

 

So personal, sad, and incredibly done. There isn't a dull moment on this piece of art. Definitely underrated and deserves so much more than what it got. The singles (except Take A Bow) deserved more. Trend chasing but done immaculately. Some of the songs on this album are in my top 10 of hers. This album really speaks for itself.

Highlights: Survival, Secret, Inside Of Me, Human Nature, Forbidden Love, Love Tried To Welcome Me, Sanctuary, Bedtime Story

Can Go Suck A Dick: Your Honesty not making the album

 

 

 

Ryanism of the day: Don't forget to take care of yourself first

5 Comments


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I am truly disgusted at some of this rih9 

True Blue dead last? rih9 

Hard Candy above her first 3 albums? rih9 

Rebel Heart above Ray of Light and Confessions? rih9 

Shanti/Ashtangi hate? rih9 

Push hate? Material Girl hate? Borderline hate? rih9rih9rih9 

I'm glad that Bedtime Stories is #1 tho yas2 

 

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8 hours ago, TheFameMonster said:

I am truly disgusted at some of this rih9 

True Blue dead last? rih9 

Hard Candy above her first 3 albums? rih9 

Rebel Heart above Ray of Light and Confessions? rih9 

Shanti/Ashtangi hate? rih9 

Push hate? Material Girl hate? Borderline hate? rih9rih9rih9 

I'm glad that Bedtime Stories is #1 tho yas2 

 

i feel the same rih9 

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Thank goodness for those don't hurt me parental advisory stickers, otherwise you'd get hurt bad for not moving autotune pedo into the dicksuck category, but Body Shop is there um2

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