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I didn't know i had an overdose



Hey guys I have no idea how to say any of this but a few days ago i had a drug overdose (i can't remember what the pills are called though but please keep reading) and had a really bad seizure and ended up with a swollen black eye (which i can't explain how I got it so nobody even knows how it happened not even me) and ended up in the hospital and just stayed there for 3 days. It was the most miserable 3 days in the hospital of my life (then again who would enjoy doctors pinching all over your arms with needles and dealing with an IV that ended up giving you a huge ass bruise? and nurses waking you up in the middle of the night just to take your blood pressure? someone not human that's who). Ok let's back up the beginning of february where i was sitting in my Psychiatrists office. He prescribed me with pills that has 300 doses (which I was suppose to have) but i felt that wasn't enough so I asked him if he could give me bigger doses but he warned me that it wasn't very therapeutic to prescribe bigger doses than the ones already prescribed to me. But i urged him to because all i wanted was to have a better way to focus so he prescribed me with pills that have 450 doses (which yes its too much) he told me how unwise it is for me to take this much doses but i was so naiive i didn't bother to listen all i wanted was to be more attentive so i risked it anyway. Two weeks later i was sitting in my classroom just listening to my teacher telling some story but unfortunately that's all i remembered doing because the next minute i started waking up (appearently i found out i fainted not to mention my uncontrollable body shaking) confused and nauseous and i was taken to West Palm hospital to find out why that happened and the doctors said that happened because of stress and lack of eating (because remember we didnt think it was the pills that was doing this so we still had no idea) so when i came home i tried eating more and tried to lessen my stress level and to be honest i thought i was doing a good job. Until two weeks later i was in my room just looking at my dog because i just love how fat and fluffy she looked and then 20 minutes later i woke up on the floor with my left eye barely even opening and just hurting super badly and then i started feeling nauseous and i wanted to vomit in my bathroom but i couldn't move or get up so i ended up vomiting on the floor and then when i finally got the strength to get up to go to my bathroom, i heard the bathroom light on (but i never checked if it was locked or not mainly because i was in the state of not being able to think straight) so i thought someone was in there and instead just ran to my mom's bathroom and she asked me what happened (but i couldnt tell her because i wasn't even speaking direct english like nothing i was saying made sense) and then i just vomitted in her toilet, i couldn't carry my own weight so i held the sides of the toilet bowl with my hands (again i wasnt thinking so it didn't cross my mind that it was a gross thing to do)  and then i started to wipe my saliva off my face with my hand (again i didn't know i was doing it) and my mom just told me to wash my hands and i did and when i looked up at the mirror i wanted to know what it is i was feeling on my right eye and when i removed my hair to see it my mom gasped and just yelled out to my dad to call 911. I was so confused as to why she would call 911 (i wasn't thinking it was a big deal) so they did and repeatedly my mom asked me "who am i?" "who am i?" and i kept telling her "my mom" "my mom". Then the ambulence came and they took me to St.Mary's hospital and i had to stay there for 3 miserable days. I hated the food, i hated getting shots, i hated the IV the ambulence guy did to me because thanks to him i have a big bruise on my right arm and i complained about it to the nurses so they had to fix it but she screwed up three fucken times and so then this male doctor came and it only took him one time so it kind of helped ease the pain a little. Still hated it though. Anyways all day i was in bed but i had visitors (my mom stayed the whole time) my dad came everyday to see me, my uncle came to see me and my boyfriend came to see me too. I remembered crying that second day i was there and my uncle, dad, and even my boyfriend just comforted me telling me everything will be ok even when i didn't feel it was going to be. I was so miserable i hated pain, sometimes i think of death as an alternative because everyone knows that once you're dead you won't be able to feel pain anymore. But i knew i had to pull through so i did no matter how much pain i was feeling physically and emotionally or how weak i could even walk or pick up my own weight i knew i was stronger than that i don't just fall down easily unless someone pushes me. I never knew when to stop at things until i know i can overcome it and when i want to achieve something i never stop until i do and my achievement for that case was i pray to God that i would be healthy enough and that my results from the MRI would be good enough for me to get the hell out of that hospital. I was lucky i got out before noon the next day ( i was SUPPOSE to get out the night before but they didnt tell the nurse the results from my MRI in time) and i couldn't be happier. Unfortunately the effects are still in my system: forgetfulness, constant drowsiness, mood changes..i can't remember the rest im so sorry guys if i had the list i would've kept going. Anyways, this is my second day being out of the hospital and ever since that day happened my mom would never leave me alone (which is good) she would check up on me every so often and would never leave me alone at home because she's scared that it might happen again if she's not around. I hope it never happens again and asides from that whole fright train overdosed fiasco, what really hurt me was watching my mom's heart break infront of me. I'm sure no mom appreciates watching their kid suffer from having seizures all because of having an overdose that they didn't know it was what really caused it. I still feel it was my fault that this happened to me. If I have never urged my Pyschiatrist to give me a bigger dose, none of this would ever happened, i would still be well without a black eye, without seizures, oh and did i mention i can't drive for 6 months because of fear that i might have a seizure if while im driving? (yeah i know it sucks..great now my parents have to drive me places like im someone without a liscence). Well, im still suffering from the effects but at least i don't have to go to school until my black eye disappears so i guess i can sleep longer in the mornings. Thanks for reading my blog guys...please keep reading because i enjoy writing to you. Before i forget..the stuff i said about Kesha and Dr.Luke, i didn't mean to imply that Kesha was a liar..in fact i wished i would take back that whole entry im so sorry guys if you took it to offense that i made you think im against her, im really not im all about #FreeKesha also i want to wish her a happy bday! i already posted a happy birthday wish on twitter (i wish i can do the same on instagram but something went wrong so i can't really post anything or comment on anything on instagram) anyways thanks for reading i'll definately see you next time i start blogging..bye i love you all :D 


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