“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK” I screamed as I woke up in the middle of Petalburg Woods. What is this wurmple doing sleeping on my leg? Get it off, get if off, get it OFF! As I think this, one of my Poke Balls open. It was Psyduck; who then sprayed the bug (uh, and my leg) with Water Gun. You need some serious work...
My role today was clear. I was going to take down the Rustboro City Gym! Well… I would if I ever got there. I was finally nearing the clearing of Petalburg Woods. As I approached it, I saw a path. Finally! It was time to get the hell out of this forest and into Rustboro City! I walked down the path but unexpectedly, I didn’t end up in a city… I ended up in a route. I asked the passerby who told me Rustboro was to the North East of here and this is the North end of Route 104. I couldn’t believe it. I still had so long to go. Urgh.
In the meantime, the kid gave me a TM; TM49: Echoed Voice. None of my team could learn the TM, so I said thanks, walked away and grumbled under my breath. Only until I noticed a building. Entering the building, I was sneezing everywhere. It looks like they were growing a lot of plants in her (I wonder if they were growing anything else). I asked around and one of the ladies in the shop asked me if I liked berries. I said yes because why the fuck not? She gave me this “Wailmer Pail” (such a stupid name) to use on berry trees to grow berries. Ok. Bye now.
Back on the road to Rustboro City, and I was pumped. Yes, I was exhausted a bit and slightly smelly as I camped out for the night, but I was good. Along the way, I battled a few trainers and encountered a few wild Pokemon. During this time, all of my Pokemon on hand gained experience and Pumpkaboo gained the move Razor Leaf. I spoke with Fisherman Ivan after the battle with him and he explained that he is raising a team of Water-type Pokemon to help him beat Roxanne in battle. He told me that Roxanne, the Rustboro City Gym Leader, raises a team of Rock-type Pokemon. Well now, I sure am glad I caught that Psyduck!
I had finally reached Rustboro City. Upon approaching the Pokemon Center, I noticed Brendan as he was leaving. Oh no, I couldn’t let him see me like this. Also… how the fuck did he get here before me? Regardless, I ran inside the nearest house. It belonged to some old man. I had to pretend I came in here for a reason, and then I noticed there were trees growing inside the house so I started inspecting them. The old man then asked me if I came to learn his famous cut technique. Without a shadow of thought, I agreed. He gave me the hidden machine; HM01: Cut. Wow, it’s a grass type move (NB: Drayano hack)! That’ll come in really handy for this gym. Oh, Combusken can learn it. Hehehe.
It was time. After showering and changing in the Rustboro Pokemon Center, I was ready for my gym battle with that bitch Roxanne. I marched into the gym and shouted, “listen up Roxie, I challenge you to a battle”. Apparently I didn’t need to shout as Roxanne was the young-ass looking girl standing right in front of me. Oops. She told me the battle rules. Both the trainer and the gym leader would use a maximum of six Pokemon (NB: Drayano Hack). Items were allowed during battle and switch outs were also permitted. I told this bitch to get ready as I would whoop her ass!
Go Pumpkaboo! Roxanne retaliated by sending out… Onix? A 4x Grass weakness? Ok love, this battle is going to be easier than I thought. WRONG! Roxanne called for Onix to use Curse; lowering his speed but boosting his attack and defense stats. I had Pumpkaboo use Confuse Ray; a smashing hit. Pumpkaboo followed up the assault with Razor Leaf. The Onix then tried to attack but hit itself in confusion. One more Razor Leaf and Onix fainted. This battle was off to a great start!
Queen of Wisdom, Roxanne, sends out Tirtouga; a Rock and Water Pokemon also with a 4x Grass weakness. Uhh... Pumpkaboo use Razor Leaf. Surprisingly Tirtouga didn’t even faint and struck back with a Rock Tomb; lowering Pumpkaboo’s speed. As Pumpkaboo prepared her second Razor Leaf, Roxanne used a Super Potion to heal up Tirtouga. Such a bitch! Now we were back to where we were before. I called Pumpkaboo to finish it off with another Razor Leaf. But I forgot about the Rock Tomb trapping my Pumpkaboo. Before Pumpkaboo could escape, Tirtouga attacked from behind with a super effective Bite. Pumpkaboo fainted. Damn. Ok, this bitch is cute no longer.
Without giving me a second to think, Psyduck burst out of its Poke Ball and used Confusion on the opposing Tirtouga, causing it to faint. Well shit. You go Psyduck! Roxanne sent out her ace in return; Nosepass. I had Psyduck use Water Pulse which did some decent damage to Nosepass but I was taken aback by what came next; Thunder Wave. Did I have the chance to explain how much I hate this bitch already? Luckily, I came prepared and handed Psyduck a Cheri Berry to cure his paralysis. And with her one free turn, Roxanne commanded Nosepass to use Thunder Punch. Legit, what? Thankfully, my speed has returned and Psyduck was able to finish off the Nosepass with Water Pulse.
Both Roxanne and I had three Pokemon left in the wings. Roxanne’s next Pokemon was Lileep. I chose Zorua. Zorua used Snarl on the Lileep resulting in average damage, but this bitch is playing dirty and returned with Confuse Ray, forcing a switch. Stupidly, I switched into Psyduck. Lileep then attacked with 2 Rock Tombs lowering my speed. Psyduck readied himself for a Water Pulse… until Lileep’s Storm Drain activated, neutralizing Psyduck’s attack and boosting Lileep’s Special Attack. This bitch was prepared. To make matters worse, Lileep now out-sped Psyduck and activated its Grass Gem when it used Mega Drain. Lileep was almost back to full health and Psyduck fainted.
I was about to burst into a fiery rage, and instead of stopping myself, I thought it was a good idea. I choose you Combusken! Combusken used Double Kick on the Lileep which fainted instantly. A true revenge kill! Roxanne sent out Archen; a Rock / Flying type. Knowing Combusken’s weakness to Flying, I switched out for Zorua. Zorua initiated the battle with Snarl. A decent hit. Only then, Roxanne decides to step up her game with a Double Team. I am so sick of this bitch. Thankfully, Zorua knew Feint Attack. With two Feint Attacks, Archen fainted. And that only left one.
The Rock / Bug type; Anorith. I instantly called for Combusken. This was my chance to beat this bitch into submission and prove my superiority to this hoe. Go Combusken, Double Kick! Within 2 hits, Anorith had fainted. It was over. I’d beat her. Roxanne congratulated me on my win and gave me a new TM; TM39: Rock Tomb. I also acquired the Stone Badge showcasing my victory. My plan for the future? Uh, Dewford Town according to Roxanne. So that’s where I’m heading. Join me on my adventures in the future!
- Level 21 - Night Slash, Double Kick, Flame Charge, Cut
- Level 21 - Fury Swipes, Snarl, Extrasensory, Feint Attack
- Level 20 - Secret Power, Water Pulse, Confusion, Fury Swipes
- Level 15 - Razor Leaf, Trick-or-Treat, Astonish, Confuse Ray