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the culturally appropriative cheesecake


Mint

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DISCLAIMER: If you're a skinny legend and care to preserve your skinny legendness, close the tab this blog entry is not for you.

 

I'm using times new roman for that cookbook cred, feel free to fuck off if you don't like it. Yes, the rumors are true ladies I am back by popular demandT following the release of my groundbreaking recipe for ratchet red velvet cake that I plagiarized from multiple internet blogs. THIS TIME THOOO I documented the cheesecake I made and it's baked cheesecake cause that in my opinion is the only relevant type of cheesecake and I do not fuck with the gelatin and whipped cream stuff because its gross and we only stan QUALITY I don't care if it's cheaper! It's called culturally appropriative cheesecake because it has orange and cardamom and I'm p sure that's like a Moroccan combination or sth but anyway here goes!

 

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Ingredients:

 

Garnish: (optional)

⅔ cup of sugar

⅔ cup of water

An orange

Pinch of salt

 

Crust:

24 digestive biscuits (the original recipe called for graham crackers but we don't have that cause america doesn't let us have nice things)

⅓ cup butter

2 cardamom pods

1  teaspoon of ground cardamom

 

Batter:

1 cup of sour cream

¼ of a cup of flour

32 ounces (900 grams) of cream cheese

1½ sugar

⅔ cup of milk

4 eggs

1 tablespoon of vanilla extract

1½  teaspoon of cardamom

1 tablespoon of orange zest

 

Instructions:

1. Melt your butter on low heat and add in your crushed cardamom pods (by crush i mean just have them open up), and leave it on for like 10-15 minutes on the lowest setting to make brown butter it'll have more of a nutty flavour I mean you're clogging your arteries either way so you might as well get the most of it. Just make sure to NOT burn it the second you start smelling it turn it off it'd be good to go. It should have this colour or slightly darker bc of the lighting:

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2. Throw your biscuits in a bag and smash them into a soft crumb, doesn't have to be too soft of crumb a little chunk is fine we all love a chunky woman. 

3. Mix the butter, ground cardamom and biscuits together until combined. Fit it into the already lightly greased spring-form pan using your fingers make sure to go around all the edges, they don't have to be perfect just have it even on the bottom and set it aside.

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4. Preheat the oven to 175C or 350F.

5. Mix the flour with the sour cream idk why i took a pic of this but here it is

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6. Combine the cream cheese and sugar with a wooden spoon then keep mixing till most of the sugar is dissolved, it takes some time but if you can masturbate then you can do this.

7. Whisk in the eggs one egg at a time, then add in the milk. should look like this:

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8. At this point it is very important to not overmix the batter, you're gonna add in the sour cream and flour mixture, then the milk and then fold in the orange zest, cardamom, and vanilla and if you're feeling very adventurous you can throw in some lemon zest as well! If it doesn't feel like lush on a stick and/or look like this throw it away and start again:

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9. Pour this spicy batter to the set crust and bake it for 1 hour, the edges should puff up and there should be a slightly fluid center if you jiggle the pan: that's when you know it's ready.  Turn off the heat and leave it in the oven uninterrupted for 4 hours then put it in the fridge to set for a few hours until cooled.

10. In the meantime if for some fucking reason you always end up with a crack like me (usually a result from temperature/overmixing), you can cover it up with a topping! I'm topping it with some candied orange slices. Of course you can totally ignore this and throw some marmalade that was thinned out with a bit of juice/water on top of her because life is too short buuuuuuttt I'm gonna make some just to show off anyway.

11. Combine the water, sugar, crushed cardamom and pinch of salt into a medium saucepan on medium high heat. 

12. Thinly slice the orange, get the seeds out and put it into the saucepan. Once it starts boiling, lower the heat cover the pan and let it simmer for 30 minutes.

13. After 30 minutes, put them on a plate that has parchment paper on it and let it set. As for the syrup idk you can add it to your morning coffee it'll taste artisanal ig. But here's what they're gonna look like it's v easy to make them: (the black specs are cardamom im not a nastee bitch)

DPmDVIG.jpg

14. Place them on top of the cake however you want. You can cut the orange slices in half and line them around the cake except I didn't because I thought of that afterwards. Anyway, get your lives and hope you enjoyed this!! (:

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6 Comments


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thank you 😭

8 hours ago, Andres said:

No but really this really looks good my fatass hasn't had cheesecake in so long omg orangu1

i didnt even try it jj3 im supposed to be #committed etc

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