Darth Sidious

Ready for Michelle Yeoh to earn her rightful Oscar tonight

I think Rihanna just announced that she’s pregnant. 
 

Better postpone that album for another decade 🪦

Bitch is a poet.

Hail Satan! 👹

You want to know why God let’s the good die young? Because he’s too busy listening to Carly Rae Jensen’s “The Loneliest Time”

The AG wants all the smoke.

Cuff it > Blow 

I still don’t get Olivia Rodrigo. I tried, she just bounces off my head.

Sir, I cannot buy your records if you’ve killed me. 

Just heard someone say that Iran is more progressive than the west because they subsidize sex change operations with tax payer funds. 
 

Yes, because as a gay person — if you don’t undergo a forceable sex change, they’ll execute you by hanging you from a construction crane. 
 

Idiot. 

okay, this did it — I’m crying now. 

Okay, but serve looks mama.

 A suicidal deer decided to use my car to end it all tonight

I am not at all upset to admit that I hoped the damn thing died slowly

In case you forgot what kind of person Donald Trump is: 

Adele is still trying to slowly kill me in five year increments.

The doggies are mad about Superman’s son, aren’t they? 

I’m ready for Adele to just bend me and the music industry over 

Blowing up the entire economy and plunging the entire world into a crippling depression just to own the libs is not financially conservative

My god, I always knew the Japanese would renew their dreams of world conquest 

It took less than 2 hours, Republicans, but especially the ones in California, can eat shit 

I’d forgotten how good Aaliyah was 🥲