Let’s first go back to February. In January I talked about Steve right? Well, he suddenly told me he was seeing someone now, so I was no option for him anymore. Okay, that isn’t a first for me. YAY, again!
Then something else happened. Let’s just say I tried something new. I slept with someone who I didn’t even knew on forehand and to be honest, it was kind of nice. It was maybe even the best sex I’ve had so far, but afterwards I didn’t feel right. It just isn’t made for me. I only do it when I desperate, which I was at that time.
I also had some new dates again. First off, the weirdest one. I had a date with a Syrian Refugee. I know right… But he was so hot on his pictures, I just wanted to meet him. Well, he was kind of disappointing in real life, but on the other hand. Now I got a full on source to tell me what it is like in those refugee camps and everything. I want to know about stuff like that. It was a nice afternoon, but it stayed with that. Then there was Richard, a very cute guy, with a lot of same interests as me. We drank some beers at his house and kissed. It felt quite good. But, you can already guess it so far. In the end he didn’t wanted to go through with it. He just came out of a relationship and wasn’t sure what to do now. He told me that I shouldn’t worry, that I’m a cute guy and that he actually liked me.
Yeah sure. How many times have I heard this so far now? I can’t even count them anymore.
Then there was Ferry. Also a cute guy, but his pictures were just way better. But, I actually quite liked him as a person. It felt like quite a good match. So in the end I was like, let’s try this. This could work.
But no. He didn’t want to.
I know you have written me a lot of great things. I need to hold on, I will find someone etc. But let’s be very real here. Is it normal for someone to have this bad luck in life? As of this moment I’m just not sure anymore and it just hurts me. I can't even remember if I talked about every date in this blog. Some don't even stay with me, because I get rejected and I move on. Like said before past dates all find their true match, while I just swerve from date to date and it never seems to work. In the end guys just don’t seem to like me. I’m unlovable. I’ve never felt this much pain in my head, cause I more and more feel like it just isn’t made for me. Love.
Yeah I’m 21. Yeah I will find it. Keep saying those things to me. But as of this day. When I got my new rejection, it felt more real to me. I’m lost. Maybe not everyone finds their match. Maybe there are some people who just need to live their life alone.
Maybe I am one of those. There is no love allowed for me.