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Radio.com ranks every song Britney's ever done (exc. PG because made in 2014) - shade galore.

By Holly, in Battlegrounds

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Holly

Holly 1,231

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I'm gonna copy and paste these so y'all can skim or whatever. Hilarious. Why the fuck are so many Britney Jean songs near the top?
 

http://radio.com/2014/12/02/every-britney-spears-song-ranked/

 

138. E-mail My Heart

Baby One More Time (1999)

Connection lost when it comes to this 1999 song that may have seemed futuristic to those still using snail mail, but is laughably dated now. We’re surprised they didn’t incorporate the crackly sign-on of the dial-up modem and AOL’s “You’ve Got Mail” chime to show just how with it Britney was. Of course, there is still time for Brit Brit to give the song a technological advance in honor of its 15th anniversary. We strongly suggest, “3D Print My Heart.” –Shannon Carlin

 

137. Chillin’ With You feat. Jamie Lynn

Britney Jean (2013)

“Hey, Britney, your sister is getting into music. How about a duet?” Makes sense on paper, but oh god. Despite Jamie Lynn‘s budding country music career, perhaps remaining apart would have been best. “Chillin’ With You” is a fairly soulless, vapid attempt at a duet that’s a massive misstep on an otherwise solid record. –Kevin Rutherford

 

136. Girl In The Mirror

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000) [international Edition]

On this bloated ballad that appeared as a bonus track on the international edition of Oops!… I Did It Again, Britney tells the mysterious girl in the mirror—which, spoiler alert, is her, since, you know, that’s how mirrors work—not to be afraid. Our word of advice to Britney’s reflection would be to make sure this song never, ever sees the light of day no matter how many times they promise it will only be available overseas. It’s lies, Britney, all lies. –S..C

 

135. Ooh La La

The Smurfs 2 Soundtrack (2013)

Katy Perry voices Smurfette in the live action/animated hybrid Smurfs film franchise, but for whatever reason, Spears was tapped to provide a song for the 2013 sequel’s soundtrack with Perry recording backup vocals in secret. We understand why Perry would want to keep her name off this one. Shifting from innocuous club banger to hip-hop number to awkward acoustic chorus in particularly jarring fashion, this is Britney’s worst single to date. –K.R.

134. Rock Boy

Circus (2008) [spotify Bonus Track]

Britney channels ’60s go-go music on this so-bad-it’s-bad Spotify bonus track off her sixth studio album, Circus. Britney’s rather anemic attempt at sexiness has her enticing a sweaty, dirty rocker by making bad puns like “Play me like a guitar/ And swing, swing, swing.” –S.C.

 

133. Big Fat Bass (feat. will.i.am)

Femme Fatale (2011)

Of all the times Spears and will.i.am collaborated, rank this Femme Fatale track the pair’s most irritating—yes, more than “Scream and Shout.” Seriously. The general Black Eyed Peas weirdness plus Britney fronting equals zilch of the catchiness both are usually able to achieve. –K.R.

 

132. Get Naked (I Have a Plan)

Blackout (2007)

Trainwreck before Britney even comes in, thanks to Danja, a producer all over Blackout who decided to try his hand at some vocals for this lesson in how to be as lyrically far from subtle as possible. His deep, robotic voice is the only thing memorable, being that Britney merely contributes airy verses and seemingly half-assed commands to “get naked” and “take it off.” She sounds bored at the prospect. –K.R.

 

131. Phonography

Circus (2008) [Deluxe Version Bonus Track]

This final track off the deluxe edition of Circus has her trying to make tech talk sexy, singing about ringtones, Star 69-ing and Bluetooth headsets, letting us know she “needs her hands-free.” That’s all fine and good, but we’re just going to let this one go to voicemail. –S.C.
 

130. The Hook Up

In The Zone (2003)

In 2003, No Doubt was near the top of the charts with the reggae-tinged “Underneath It All,” whileSean Paul found his first taste of U.S. success with top five hit “Get Busy.” So in swoops Spears with her take on island rhythms on In the Zone‘s “The Hook Up,” but it’d frankly be worlds better if the dancehall-esque track just didn’t happen. That is, unless you get off on hearing Britney attempting Jamaican patois. –K.R.

 

129. Dear Diary

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)

Dear Britney Spears’ Diary,
Today, I heard this cheesy Casio-keyboard accompanied track off Oops!… I Did It Again and I have to ask, why did you allow Britney to make a song this bad? Like, when she asked you for advice, why didn’t you advise her to nix this song completely? You really dropped the ball here. –S.C.

 

128. Right Now (Taste The Victory)

Pepsi World Cup Commercial (2002)

 

In 2002 when Britney was the official spokeswoman for Pepsi, she got everyone pumped up for the FIFA World Cup in South Korea and Japan—the first one to be held in Asia—with her very own sports anthem. It’s almost as forgettable as Pepsi Blue. Almost. –S.C.
 

127. Toy Soldier

Blackout (2007)

The sultry “Toy Soldier” is Spears’ Breakout collab with Sean “The Pen” Garrett, responsible for all kinds of hits on the songwriting and production front in the 2000s. But his success couldn’t translate to Britney’s 2007 comeback. The song, co-produced with Bloodshy & Avant, mixes military imagery with Spears’ search for a “real” soldier, not a fake plaything. Feels like a leftover from In the Zonethat founds its way onto another album years later and probably should have just remained on the cutting room floor. –K.R.

 

126. I’ll Never Stop Loving You

Baby One More Time (1999) [south Korean Edition Bonus Track]

Now until forever, we will never stop making fun of this over-the-top ballad, which only appeared on the South Korean edition of …Baby One More Time. We definitely get why. –S.C.

 

125. Brightest Morning Star

Britney Jean (2013) [Deluxe Edition]

This Britney Jean deluxe edition bonus track isn’t terrible, but set up against a discography featuring some potent ballads, “Brightest Morning Star” falls flat, a victim of forgettable lyrics and clunky electronic production. Odd, since it’s the album’s lone song with some tampering from Dr. Luke, who has a formidable track record. –K.R.

 

124. I Will Still Love You

Baby One More Time (1999)

 

This duet with Don Philip is a semi-sweet, mostly corny love song in which Britney promises, “Time may take us apart, but I will still love you. I promise.” Britney unfortunately forgot all about that promise when Philip tried out for the X Factor in 2012. She, along with her fellow three judges, sent him home packing. Turns out, she’s just not that into him anymore. We, on the other hand, can honestly say we were never, ever into this song. –S.C.
 

123. Blur

Circus (2008)

 

122. You Got It All

Oops! I Did It Again: The Best of Britney (2012)

 

121. Someday (I Will Understand)

Britney & Kevin: Chaotic EP (2005)

 

120. Early Mornin’

In The Zone (2003)

 

119. Over To You Now

Britney & Kevin: Chaotic EP (2005) [bonus Track on British and Japanese Editions]

 

118. I Run Away

Britney (2001) [bonus Track on Spanish Edition]

 

117. The Answer

In The Zone (2003) [bonus Track]

 

116. Trip To Your Heart

Femme Fatale (2011)

 

115. Why Should I Be Sad

Blackout (2007)

 

114. Walk On By

B-side to “Stronger” (2000)

 

113. Perfect Lover

Blackout (2007)

 

112. Intimidated

B-Side to “I’m a Slave 4 U” (2001)

 

111. Everybody

Blackout (2007) [bonus Track on Japanese Edition]

 

110. The Beat Goes On

Baby One More Time (1999)

 

109. I’m So Curious

Baby One More Time (1999) [b-Side to “Sometimes”]

 

108. When I Found You

Britney (2001) [bonus Track on UK and Japanese Edition]

 

107. Heaven on Earth

Blackout (2007)

 

106. I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll

Britney (2001)

 

105. Don’t Keep Me Waiting

Femme Fatale (2011) [Deluxe Edition]

 

104. Thinkin’ About You

Baby One More Time (1999)

 

103. Out From Under

Circus (2008)

 

102. Get Back

Blackout (2007) [bonus Track on Japanese Edition]

 

101. Autumn Goodbye

Baby One More Time (1999) [b-Side to “…Baby One More Time”]

 

100. Heart

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000) [uK Special Edition]

 

99. When Your Eyes Say It

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)

 

98. Hold On Tight

Britney Jean (2013) [Deluxe Edition]

 

97. And Then We Kiss

B in the Mix: The Remixes (2005)

 

96. Criminal

 

Femme Fatale (2011)
 

95. Scary

Femme Fatale (2011) [Japanese Edition Bonus Track]

 

94. Soda Pop

Baby One More Time (1999)

 

93. Don’t Cry

Britney Jean (2013)

 

92. Up N’ Down

Femme Fatale (2011) [Deluxe Edition]

 

91. Can’t Make You Love Me

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)

 

90. Where Are You Now

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)

 

89. Quicksand

Circus (2008) [bonus Track on European iTunes Store Deluxe Edition]

 

88. Break the Ice

Blackout (2007)
 

87. Don’t Hang Up

Oops! I Did It Again: The Best of Britney (2012)

 

86. Mmm Papi

Circus (2008)

 

85. Outta This World

Blackout (2007) [Target Bonus Track]

 

84. Kill The Lights

Circus (2008)
 

83. Shattered Glass

Circus (2008)

 

82. Chaotic

Britney & Kevin: Chaotic EP (2005)

 

81. Freakshow

Blackout (2007)

 

80. Selfish

Femme Fatale (2011) [Deluxe Edition]

 

79. My Baby

Circus (2008)

 

78. Brave New Girl

In The Zone (2003)

 

77. (Drop Dead) Beautiful feat. Sabi

Femme Fatale (2011)

 

76. Lonely

Britney (2001)

 

75. Gasoline

Femme Fatale (2011)

 

74. What It’s Like To Be Me

Britney (2001)

 

73. That’s Where You Take Me

Britney (2001)

 

72. Boys (The Co-Ed Remix) feat. Pharrell

Austin Powers in Goldmember Soundtrack (2002)

 

71. Gimme More

Blackout (2007)
 

70. One Kiss From You

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)

 

69. Amnesia

Circus (2008) [uK Deluxe Version Bonus Track]

 

68. (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)

 

67. Deep In My Heart

Baby One More Time (1999) [international Edition]

 

66. Do Somethin’

Greatest Hits: My Prerogative (2004)

 

65. Let Them Be

Britney (2001)

 

64. Anticipating

Britney (2001)

 

63. My Only Wish (This Year)

Platinum Christmas (2000)
 

62. Til the World Ends (Remix)

Femme Fatale (2011)

 

61. Alien

Britney Jean (2013)

 

60. Bombastic Love

Britney (2001)

 

59. Seal It With a Kiss

Femme Fatale (2011)

 

58. Shadow

In The Zone (2003)

 

57. Trouble For Me

Femme Fatale (2011)

 

56. He About To Lose Me

Femme Fatale (2011) [Deluxe Edition]

 

55. Breathe On Me

In The Zone (2003)

 

54. Showdown

In The Zone (2003)

 

53. Before the Goodbye

Britney (2001) [bonus Track on UK and Japanese Editions]

 

52. Trouble

Circus (2008) [iTunes Pre-Order/ French Amazon Edition Bonus Track]

 

51. I’ve Just Begun (Having My Fun)

Greatest Hits: My Prerogative (2004)

 

50. What U See (Is What U Get)

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)

 

49. (I Got That) Boom Boom feat. Ying Yang Twins

In The Zone (2003)

 

48. Ooh Ooh Baby

Blackout (2007)

 

47. Hot As Ice

Blackout (2007)

 

46. Radar

Blackout (2007)
 

45. Rock Me In

Circus (2008) [Deluxe Edition Bonus Track]

 

44. Mannequin

Circus (2008)

 

43. Now That I Found You

Britney Jean (2013) [Deluxe Edition]

 

42. Unusual You

Circus (2008)

 

41. Work Bitch

Britney Jean (2013)
 

40. Lace and Leather

Circus (2008)

 

39. Tik Tik Boom feat. T.I.

Britney Jean (2013)

 

38. Inside Out

Femme Fatale (2011)

 

37. It Should Be Easy feat. will.i.am

Britney Jean (2013)

 

36. How I Roll

Femme Fatale (2011)

 

35. Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)
 

34. Don’t Go Knockin’ On My Door

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)

 

33. I Will Be There

Baby One More Time (1999)

 

32. 3

The Singles Collection (2009)
 

31. From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart

Baby One More Time (1999)

 

 

29. Passenger

Britney Jean (2013)

 

28. Til It’s Gone

Britney Jean (2013)

 

27. Body Ache

Britney Jean (2013)

 

26. Cinderella

Britney (2001)
 

25. Mona Lisa

Britney & Kevin: Chaotic EP (2005)

This track from Spears’ Chaotic EP, which soundtracked the reality series of the same name with ex-husband Kevin Federline, is fine on its own, though it could have been so much more. Much has been written about the song’s “secret” history, which involved a trip to a Los Angeles radio station on New Year’s Eve to premiere the track, apparently unbeknownst to her label. The original is even more twisted and convoluted than what it eventually became, offering a look into a truly untamed Britney. Too bad that version was shuttered shortly after, but thanks to the Internet it still lives on as a reminder of what could have been. –K.R.

 

24. Boys

Britney (2001)

Before Pharrell Williams was so damn “Happy” he was trying to turn Britney into his own little nasty girl. On this funky track, which marks Britney’s first foray into hip-hop, she lets this sexy guy know she’s going to love him and leave him on the dance floor. And we imagine the male species didn’t mind one bit. –S.C.

 

23. Born To Make You Happy

Baby One More Time (1999)

Though not as memorable as its fellow singles from …Baby One More Time, “Born to Make You Happy” gets points for managing to be a bit more subdued in comparison to the in-your-face bombastic tendencies of the record’s title track and “(You Drive Me) Crazy.” Sometimes you need a ballad to break things up, though her best was still on its way in that regard. Not exactly an empowering anthem for young girls at the time, either. –K.R.
 

22. Touch of My Hand

In The Zone (2003)

Middle Eastern strings permeate this In the Zone track about discovering one’s penchant for self sexual satisfaction. Where the worldly instrumentation occasionally feels forced on the rest of the record, it’s quite in place on this relaxed mid-tempo track, Spears mewing about shutting herself away and letting her desires take over: “I love myself/ It’s not a sin/ I can’t control what’s happening.” –K.R.

 

21. My Prerogative

 

Greatest Hits: My Prerogative (2004)
 

Britney’s cover of Bobby Brown’s 1988 track begins with her singing, “They say I’m crazy/ I really don’t care.” This line would become all too real in 2007 when she shaved her head and beat up a car with an umbrella. But, the reason this is Britney’s highest ranked cover is because you can almost hear the pop princess not giving a f–k. No easy feat with all that Auto-Tune. –S.C.

 

20. Hold It Against Me

Femme Fatale (2011)

Clever title aside, “Hold It Against Me” arrived at a time when dubstep was becoming pop’s all-seeing overlord, contributing its own pulsating drop that demanded attention from EDM faithfuls. Take the bounty of pickup lines on the chorus or leave it. –K.R.

 

19. Outrageous

In The Zone (2003)

Imagine R. Kelly‘s early 2000s output, edit for gender, replace his vocal with Spears’ and you have “Outrageous,” which was penned solely by the R&B hitmaker. By In the Zone, she’d shed her schoolgirl image for a sex-driven atmosphere, and “Outrageous” finds her quite, quite confident in her skin. But it’s the sudden turn on the song’s bridge that’s the real champion here. –K.R.

 

18. Circus

Circus (2008)
 

The title track from Britney’s 2008 album tends toward the previous year’s “Piece of Me,” referencing her very public personal life. But where its predecessor was more accusatory, “Circus” has more of a couldn’t-care-less vibe, welcoming the attention rather than shining the spotlight elsewhere. Her confidence is infectious. –K.R.

 

17. I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet a Woman

Britney (2001)

This is the gospel according to Britney. On this angsty ballad she lets her young female fans know that growing up is hard to do, but if a pop princess can survive puberty in front of the public eye, then you can too. All you need is time and a moment that is yours. It’s that simple. –S.C.

 

16. Piece of Me

Blackout (2007)

Blackout was mostly a misfire rather than a triumphant return, but Britney had her moments, like on “Piece of Me,” the record’s second single, which spoke out against the scrutiny of her personal life by a hungry celebrity-driven media. No writing credit for Spears here, but it feels as autobiographical as any of her tunes, a waving flag after years of being stuck under the microscope.  –K.R.

 

15. Me Against The Music feat. Madonna

In The Zone (2003)
 

While this song couldn’t live up to that infamous kiss, which had Madonna passing the pop torch via lip-lock at the MTV Video Music Awards only months before this song dropped. It did prove that two famous women could actually take on the song without a catfight breaking out. Britney and Madonna against unfortunate female stereotypes, always and forever. –S.C.

 

14. Perfume

Britney Jean (2013)
 

Sure, it’s a great way for Britney to plug her perfumes—she’s currently got 16 of them—but with a little help from the track’s co-writer, Sia, this power ballad becomes so much more than clever product placement. For her first truly adult track she gets to play the other woman struggling to keep her guy away from his ex, only to find out that no amount of perfume can keep him from cheating. With that lesson learned, Britney is no longer a girl, finally a woman. –S.C.

 

13. Sometimes

Baby One More Time (1999)

The second single off her debut gave us a look at Britney Jean Spears, the sweet, virginal, former Mouseketeer from Kentwood, Louisiana. The track was a snapshot of the girl who wasn’t looking to rush into love with a guy who didn’t appreciate her values. Two years later she would be slithering around with a snake swearing she’s a slave 4 U, but we’ll never forget the song that best exemplified Britney’s all too-brief innocence. –S.C.

 

12. I Wanna Go

Femme Fatale (2011)
 

No. 3 of Britney’s triumphant trio of Femme Fatale lead singles renders her voice processed to high heaven, particularly on the chorus. But oh, that chorus. When one abandons all pretense in exchange for an obviously robotic sound, the results can be uncanny (see Cher‘s “Believe”) and the infectious whistling, heavy bass and stuttering chorus collide for one of the catchiest offerings both she—or any other pop star, for that matter—have managed in the 2010s. –K.R.

 

11. Overprotected

Britney (2001)

This was Britney’s cry for independence. An adolescent pop anthem that had her belting, “I’m so fed up with people telling me to be someone else but me.” Unfortunately, this didn’t seem to be something her fans were really that interested in hearing since the song only reached No. 86 on the Billboard Hot 100. Even still it managed to become the go-to song for anyone looking to break the chains that bind them. In Britney’s case it was her parental stand-ins, ranging from overbearing label execs to domineering body guards. Nobody puts Britney in the corner.­ –S.C.

 

10. I’m a Slave 4 U

Britney (2001)
 

With its panting breaths and whispered moans, this track helped Britney ditch her good girl image and officially become the sexpot next door. With a little help from the Neptunes’ Pharrell Williamsand Chad Hugo—who originally intended the cleverly subversive song to be for Janet Jackson—Britney quickly became everyone’s teen dream. Even more impressive being that the guys managed to do so while making it clear that her first name ain’t baby, it’s Britney, Miss Spears if you’re nasty. – S.C.

 

9. Womanizer

Circus (2008)

How do you follow-up an album (Blackout) that was critically lauded but garnered comparatively lukewarm sales? Well, do a music video in the nude, for one. Then add alarm-like synths to a sizzling electro-pop track with a repetitive earworm of a pre-chorus, Spears condemning a womanizing significant other, and you have her first No. 1 single since “…Baby One More Time.” –K.R.

 

8. Stronger

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)
 

Britney’s mad as hell and she’s not going to take it anymore. With the sound of a foghorn, Britney lets a cheating boyfriend have it and tries to convince the rest of the world that she’s not the same girl who sang “hit me baby, one more time” just a year before. Still don’t believe her? Just listen to this song’s lyrics, which just so happen to feature a rather curt response to her debut single’s chorus: “My loneliness ain’t killin’ me no more.” – S.C.

 

7. Til The World Ends

Femme Fatale (2011)
 

The most club-ready she’s ever been. Much of that’s thanks to towering production from Dr. Luke, Max Martin and Billboard, the former’s deft touch especially noticeable in its pummeling bass and synths that threatens to not just blow your speakers-but completely decimate them. Add someKesha-assisted lyrics preaching a club dance party that stretches into infinity, and you have a song that’ll remain until the world meets its end. -K.R.

 

6. Lucky

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)

This is the story of a girl named Lucky, a Hollywood starlet who’s so lonely she cries herself to sleep each night. Basically the archetype for any interesting episode of E! True Hollywood Story. On the Max Martin-produced empathy track, Britney sweetly sings, “If there’s nothing missing in my life/ Then why do these tears come at night?” Words that helped her teenybopper fans get through middle school and perhaps took on a new meaning for the pop star at the height of her own super stardom. –S.C.

 

5. (You Drive Me) Crazy

Baby One More Time (1999)
 

Don’t try to fix what ain’t broke. After “…Baby One More Time” rocketed Britney to stardom, her debut album’s third single kept the formula almost to a T, adding a shredding guitar solo and the most famous cowbell line since Christopher Walken had a fever. And when it comes to reaching the rafters with a melody, it succeeded even more so than its predecessor. -K.R.

 

4. …Baby One More Time

Baby One More Time (1999)
 

Britney’s debut single was a phenomenon not just for its Catholic schoolgirl in pigtails video, but for its ability to prove anything boy bands could do, girls could do better. ­Katy Perry, Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande and now Taylor Swift should bow down to Britney, the original princess of pop. Without her, they are nothing. – S.C.

 

3. Oops!… I Did It Again

Oops!… I Did It Again (2000)
 

What sophomore slump? Britney came out swinging with the first single from her second album of the same name. Production-wise it’s like its predecessors “…Baby One More Time” and “(You Drive Me) Crazy” but improved, reflecting Spears aging and coming more into her own as a pop star. It’s as much a declaration of pop dominance as it is a lyrical look at a girl’s treatment of love as a emotions-wrecking game. Oh, and that Titanic-referencing bridge, though three years late, is still hilarious to this day. –K.R.

 

2. Toxic

In The Zone (2003)
 

The video has her paying homage to The Blade Runner, Seven Year Itch and James Bond, but the song itself is pure Britney. Sure, it’s a tad all over the place, with its influences stemming from Bollywood, surf rock and electro-pop. But, the song’s erratic nature is part of its charm. It’s also a safe bet that Britney will never find a hook that is as naughty and nice as this ever again. ­–S.C.

 

1. Everytime

In The Zone (2003)

Before Stephen Dorff was hawking e-cigs and Britney was shaving her head, she was just a pop star in a bathtub looking for a way out. This heartbreaking tale—often dubbed the sequel to “Lucky”—became famous for being the one song that seemed to speak Britney’s truth. A glimpse at the little girl lost, who now at 22 needed someone who could take her away from it all. Nearly a decade after its release the In The Zone track became part of the cultural zeitgeist, soundtracking the final act of Harmony Korine’s Spring Breakers. The iconic moment screams camp: machine gun ballerinas dancing around a Riff Raff-ian James Franco as he plays them “something inspiring” on a white baby grand. But the scene helped solidify “Everytime” as Britney’s magnum opus. It’s a highly produced, child-like pop sing-along that doesn’t quite get the respect it so obviously deserves. No different from Britney herself. –S.C.

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sexotheque.

sexotheque. 5,096

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Between some amazing songs at the top and downright awful ones at the bottom this list became such a mess. They pretty much ranked BJ upside down - ISBE above DC and HOT? And 60—53 should be so much higher, yet all were still beaten by Trouble, of all things dead2

I need to make my own version of this list nat1

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kimgyuvin

kimgyuvin 2,162

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127. Toy Soldier

Blackout (2007)

The sultry “Toy Soldier” is Spears’ Breakout collab with Sean “The Pen” Garrett, responsible for all kinds of hits on the songwriting and production front in the 2000s. But his success couldn’t translate to Britney’s 2007 comeback. The song, co-produced with Bloodshy & Avant, mixes military imagery with Spears’ search for a “real” soldier, not a fake plaything. Feels like a leftover from In the Zonethat founds its way onto another album years later and probably should have just remained on the cutting room floor. –K.R.

Good fcking bye dead4

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