I'm a songwriter in need of feedback/thoughts

[Pikachu 399]

Chorus

Don't tell me "I'll make a man out of you"

Lookie here at what these soft hands can do

Don't tell me "I'll make a man out of you"

Lookie here at what these soft hands can do

 

 

Verse One

As a bushy-tailed lad

I had high hopes of becoming

A broad shoulder man

Wasn't the son mama wanted

Too soft were my hands

 

 

Pre-Chorus

Papa taught me how

To toughen up

Boys, they play rough

To muster up the strength

To build a white picket fence

 

 

Chorus

Don't tell me "I'll make a man out of you"

Lookie here at what these soft hands can do

Don't tell me "I'll make a man out of you"

Lookie here at what these soft hands can do

 

 

Post-Chorus

These soft hands can do

These soft hands can do

These soft hands can do

(Can do, can do)

 

 

 

This is is what I have so far of this song entitled "Too Soft Were His Hands" it's folk with uptempo funk and country pop sensibility. It's about being me being a gay man thus the "soft hands" and how toxic masculinity can be and it's expectations. Please let me know your thoughts ?

[Ahmed 775]

I love it! It's not too far fetched or too simple. <3

[Mint 6,015]

its so gay i love it  

would obviously add a bridge tho. something along the lines like "you dont want these hands".. since you wanna be tough and all  

[Pikachu 399]

2 hours ago, Mint said:

its so gay i love it  

would obviously add a bridge tho. something along the lines like "you dont want these hands".. since you wanna be tough and all  

I'm halfway through writing it and thanks haha a gay, folk anthem that's Gaga overlooked for Joanne  I'll post the final result 

[Pikachu 399]

2 hours ago, Mariah Secret Leaks said:

I love it! It's not too far fetched or too simple. <3

That fills me with pure bliss  Any lyrical content you enjoyed most like certain lines and such  

[Ahmed 775]

14 minutes ago, Pikachu said:

That fills me with pure bliss  Any lyrical content you enjoyed most like certain lines and such  

A broad shoulder man

Wasn't the son mama wanted

Too soft were my hands

This is so sad

[Ciggy Socialist 8,793]

[Pikachu 399]

On 11/11/2016 at 1:47 PM, Mariah Secret Leaks said:

A broad shoulder man

Wasn't the son mama wanted

Too soft were my hands

This is so sad

When I came out as gay my mom said her and my dad wanted a son, not a daughter

[Ahmed 775]

4 minutes ago, Pikachu said:

When I came out as gay my mom said her and my dad wanted a son, not a daughter

so sorry 

[Courtney Love 4,389]

 

On 12/11/2016 at 5:17 AM, Pikachu said:

Verse One

As a bushy-tailed lad

I'd edit this, when I began that line I thought it was going to be a pikachu parody. It's an odd phrase.

[H.O.N.E.Y 11,164]

Just now, Erotic said:

 

I'd edit this, when I began that line I thought it was going to be a pikachu parody. It's an odd phrase.

I thought he meant he has a hairy butt.  

[Courtney Love 4,389]

46 minutes ago, H.O.N.E.Y said:

I thought he meant he has a hairy butt.  

 

[Brightflower 19,304]