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Jae

Parents raising kids without gender - "Theybies"

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The Sharpes, both mechanical engineers in their early 30s, say their decision to raise their twins without designated genders evolved from a mix of research and personal experience. When Julia found out she was pregnant, she felt conflicted about learning the sex of the twins. As a female engineer in a male-dominated profession, she understood the constraints of gender expectations firsthand.

 

Their Cambridge home is littered with toys that come from both the girls’ and the boys’ aisles — a dollhouse, a play gym, a bedroom full of stuffed animals, a basket of dolls. Their parents want to foster an environment of openness where the twins feel loved whether they grow up to identify as LGBTQ or not. That means learning to see their children simply as “kids” rather than as “boys” or “girls,” and encouraging others to do the same.

 

That’s not always easy, or comfortable, in a gendered world. Family, friends and day care workers struggle with they/them pronouns, and not everyone understands the Sharpes’ decision to keep the children’s sex private.

“We definitely got more pushback from co-workers, who were like: ‘Wait, you're not going to tell me what you're having? You're not going to tell me what your kids are?’” Julia said. “I’m like, ‘I’m telling you they're children.’ But they got really, really frustrated that we wouldn't tell them what their genitalia was, which is kind of a weird thing when you think about it.”

 

“A theyby is, I think, different things to different people,” Nate Sharpe told NBC News. “For us, it means raising our kids with gender-neutral pronouns — so, ‘they,’ ‘them,’ ‘their,’ rather than assigning ‘he,’ ‘she,’ ‘him,’ ‘her’ from birth based on their anatomy.”

 

Parents in the U.S. are increasingly raising children outside traditional gender norms — allowing boys and girls to play with the same toys and wear the same clothes — though experts say this is happening mostly in progressive, well-to-do enclaves. But what makes this “gender-open” style of parenting stand out, and even controversial in some circles, is that the parents do not reveal the sex of their children to anyone. Even the children, who are aware of their own body parts and how they may differ from others, are not taught to associate those body parts with being a boy or girl. If no one knows a child’s sex, these parents theorize, the child can’t be pigeonholed into gender stereotypes.

 

NBC

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13 minutes ago, Jae said:

I'm a little conflicted with thinking they're being reaaally exxxxtra but there are some points they might have made lol3

The toy and clothes thing is cute and kids need that. But not telling co-workers what they biologically are is mad5

 

Also this term that was created

 

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“A theyby is, I think, different things to different people,” Nate Sharpe told NBC News. “For us, it means raising our kids with gender-neutral pronouns — so, ‘they,’ ‘them,’ ‘their,’ rather than assigning ‘he,’ ‘she,’ ‘him,’ ‘her’ from birth based on their anatomy.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I do think that erasing gender roles early is great. Give kids the same toys, clothes, morals and values etc. However, the pronoun thing is beyond extra dead4 You can still be progressive and recognize your kids' sexes. They're just biological indicators. 

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The pronoun thing is just too extra. You can refer to your kids with the pronouns language has put for them and use those until they say otherwise. Now the part of the kids being able to express themselves and their identity through the clothes and toys they like is something I'd do with my children too.

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NNNNNNNN my mom did this BEFORE it was popular.

I was allowed to play with dolls and watch the Disney movies I wanted to watch. For Carnival I even went as Cinderella and Ariel. lol3 The thing is, when I turned 5 and went as Ariel, something inside of me was really triggered. I suddenly started crying and didn't wanna go as a girl. I immediately felt embarrassed, had a huge meltdown and tore of the costume my mom made for me. It really wasn't because others were laughing at me or something (they weren't). I just didn't want it anymore. um2 

I think it's good to erase gender stereotypes to a certain extend but not to a point where children end up struggling with their identities. I've had a serious indentity crisis from that point on. Our biological sex and our hormones do shape our identity and our actions, sexual preferences MORE than society. Society is just a mere reflection of that. 

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8 minutes ago, Ursula said:

NNNNNNNN my mom did this BEFORE it was popular.

I was allowed to play with dolls and watch the Disney movies I wanted to watch. For Carnival I even went as Cinderella and Ariel. lol3 The thing is, when I turned 5 and went as Ariel, something inside of me was really triggered. I suddenly started crying and didn't wanna go as a girl. I immediately felt embarrassed and it really wasn't because others were laughing at me or something (they weren't). I just didn't want it anymore. um2 

I think it's good to erase gender stereotypes to a certain extend but not to a point where children end up struggling with their identities. I've had a serious indentity crisis from that point on.

Me reading this: She should've adopted meeee tbh! brit2

 

Also me 2 sec later: But that would mean.... imagine how that would turn out. lol3 

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Over 99% of babies grow up embracing the SEX they were born as. Here’s the thing: Certain extremist people want to “erase gender” but you can never erase their biological sex. When we ask a kid’s gender, we’re literally asking their sex. Sex and gender are used as the same in America. 

Let your kids play with whatever toys they want. Embrace letting them be who they want to be. But forcing a kid to identify as “they” is beyond ridiculous. Imagine the insane ridicule that kid will go through because the parents wanted that, not the child. Children don’t even fully understand their gender or sexuality until puberty or even later. Imposing these gender-identifying questions of “Why am I a THEY if everyone else is a boy and girl?” will only damage their development.

Let them discover these things for their own once they’re enough age to even understand their sexuality and gender.

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21 minutes ago, Ursula said:

NNNNNNNN my mom did this BEFORE it was popular.

I was allowed to play with dolls and watch the Disney movies I wanted to watch. For Carnival I even went as Cinderella and Ariel. lol3 The thing is, when I turned 5 and went as Ariel, something inside of me was really triggered. I suddenly started crying and didn't wanna go as a girl. I immediately felt embarrassed, had a huge meltdown and tore of the costume my mom made for me. It really wasn't because others were laughing at me or something (they weren't). I just didn't want it anymore. um2 

I think it's good to erase gender stereotypes to a certain extend but not to a point where children end up struggling with their identities. I've had a serious indentity crisis from that point on. Our biological sex and our hormones do shape our identity and our actions, sexual preferences MORE than society. Society is just a mere reflection of that. 

Correct statements, especially about gender stereotypes and how this method can help battling that. However, two different sex genders do exist in nature, so there is no need to mask them as equal, because they are not the same in biological way.

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Idg why people can't understand the simplicity of genders 

if it has a dick its a boy

if it has a pussy its a girl

they should put more work into stopping gender stereotypes etc so people can be themselves because i think THAT'S the problem not being labeled a male or female

this will just make it worse and make the children feel lost and not know who/what they are

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Stupid, annoying and attention-seeking from a typical croc-wearing lefty. So what if your male child with male anatomy plays with barbies, experiments with girls’ clothes, or your female child with female anatomy likes farm animals and wants to be an engineer? That’s acceptable. What isn’t acceptable is policing language. Pronouns should reflect one’s biological makeup NOT how they identify/express themselves.

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13 minutes ago, Brinty said:

Idg why people can't understand the simplicity of genders 

if it has a dick its a boy

if it has a pussy its a girl

they should put more work into stopping gender stereotypes etc so people can be themselves because i think THAT'S the problem not being labeled a male or female

this will just make it worse and make the children feel lost and not know who/what they are

Exactly, the thing with stereotypes and the whole battle with reality vs. language can be further examined by DeSaussure's Prototype Theory. It's a cognitive approach to explain how we categroize things. Our brain works in binary oppositions (1 for yes 0 for no) kind of like a computer. 

There is one thing, let's say a tree (the signified). Every human has an individual image or prototype of a tree in their brains. But if we look at all the different prototypes people might have in their brains for the word "tree" (the sign), they would all look somewhat similar because there are certain FEATURES that classify a tree as such. We classify or categorize trees by putting all those features into binary oppositions. So, our language is a reflection of reality to a certain extend or a reflection of what the majority of people views as the reality.

Society has made it a lot easier to classify a woman or a man through clothing, stereotypical behaviour, gender roles, etc. BUT even if those stereotypes wouldn't exist, we'd still be able to identify someone as male or female because of the way their bodies are shaped, how their voices sound like, etc.

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